Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Needed a reboot

It's been a while...For the past 6 weeks I have avoided blogging. Not really intentionally, I just think something inside of me decided to take a break. Don't get me wrong, I love to blog and love to tell my stories and thoughts on this vestibular journey.
I guess we all need a minute to take time for other things...type of reboot of the mind.
I sat down last night by myself, while my boys were doing their own things and really thought about where I have been and how I've been feeling. Life has felt like it is whipping by lately...I HATE THAT!! I am one to try and live in the moment and appreciate everyday, but for some reason there has been stresses and everyday business that has gotten in the way. We all know what that is like!!

My illness has been coming and going, never knowing when it may strike.  As I sat last night it hit me," that's it"!! I figured out why I have been missing in action, "I don't want to give this illness power". I am the type of person when I get into something, I always give it my all. It becomes an enormous part of my everyday. And for some reason, I think my mind and body needed a break from such focus on my illness. Does that make sense? I feel when you give something negative power, it becomes all encompassing. Even though my illness is here most days, I needed a minute to focus on other things. Trying to juggle regular everyday life and an illness at the same time can be very overwhelming. So what I have taken from my reboot is "listen to your body and especially your mind", sometimes it is good to just shut it off for a bit.

Friday, March 1, 2019

Stop and smell the roses

This week could have gone one of two ways, feel completely sorry for myself or take advantage of some down time. Monday started out like any other day..get kiddo to school, pick up around the house etc. Then at 4 pm my normal Monday turned to complete junk. I was walking down our stairs and all of a sudden I missed a step and landed on our hardwood floor. Oh my gosh, I have never fallen down stairs...it completely took me by surprise. I soon realized I had hurt my ankle ( could have been a heck of a lot worse). All I kept thinking to myself in the moment was "NOOOO, I have so many other issues physically going on right now"..Thank goodness my husband was home, which is very rare at this time of day.

Let me give you a bit of background on me. I am a complete schedule girl, pretty much everyday is planned out per week. I am also very meticulous about our home, I like everything neat and tidy. It's become even more prevalent since I became ill. I think I keep everything organized and well kept just in case my illness becomes particularly bad and I am out of commission for a few days.

When I woke up on Tuesday I thought, I have one of two choices, be completely angry and feel sorry for myself or take these days and take advantage of not being able to move. Like many of us dizzys, we still have to move on and get through our days of work, chores, taking care of the kiddos etc.. But since I was completely immobile and my injury was obvious to others, I could take advantage. Yes, its frustrating to not be able to walk more than a couple steps, but I can do things that I normally would NEVER do without feeling guilty.

I drank more than one yummy coffee, I read books that I normally would never, I watched documentaries, I wrote in my journal, I sat and watched the birds fly around our outside family room window, I sat and watched my son do his homework, I listened to classical guitar (which is odd for me) and I loved it. I lived in the present....I stopped and smelled the roses!! What was particularly nice is I turned off my illness for a bit..I  realized just how much energy and time this illness takes from me each day and to have to sit and not focus on it was completely refreshing.

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Happy V-Day, I've got to give a shout out to my hubs. We as chronic illness people have a heck of a lot to deal with and sometimes we forget about our partners in crime. Believe me, it hasn't been all roses and rainbows over here, but I am blessed beyond words to have such a strong, hardworking and caring husband. He doesn't get enough credit...He has been the one to pick me up off the floor and the one to set me straight when I feel like I am at my wits end. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Blessed to have a symptom free day

I woke up yesterday like any other Saturday morning.  But for some reason before I got out of bed,  I said out loud "please let this be a good day". I didn't think much about my request after I got up. When I walked downstairs I noticed the intense bright light from outside, we had about 8 inches of  new fallen snow. This is extremely rare in the Pacific Northwest, it was absolutely beautiful. I sat down with my husband and enjoyed a yummy cup of coffee, then went for a walk together in the gorgeous snow. Perfect beginning of the day.
I remember specifically looking at the clock at 1 pm and thinking " I need to get lunch prepared", but then it hit me. "oh my gosh, I feel good today", "I feel like the old Jessica". I didn't want to jinx myself, so I tried not to think about it again.  Then the clock struck 5 pm and I was still feeling fantastic. I can't tell you how amazing it was to feel like myself. I wasn't going to let another single minute go by without completely enjoying my life. When you have this disorder you know that it can be months before you have a symptom free day again. At 9 pm, I sat down with my hubby again with a glass of wine and said to him "I am so blessed to have this day". It was absolutely perfect!! Remember you too can have this symptom free day. BLESSED!

Monday, February 4, 2019

"The wind blew this discomfort in and it may blow it out any moment"

By: Toni Bernhard

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

How to have a social life with a vestibular illness

Social life? I used to consider myself the life of the party...Whether it was a party, concert, bar outing, bbq etc!! I never had to stop and think about if I attended  a social event, was it going to be crowded? Was it going to be loud? Were the lights going to be bright? How long would the event be? What type of food would I be eating? Holy moly, are you kidding? The past, I would get ready and jump in the car and go. None of these questions would ever enter my mind.
Unfortunately, people with vestibular illness's have to think about all of these things in order to get prepared for an event. It sounds stressful, but it helps to think ahead just in case. Many of us become a lot more symptomatic if there are a lot of people, or the lights are too bright. And if the food has a lot of sodium it can cause symptoms to begin. If  you stay out too late, it can wreak havoc the following day. There are days that I miss just being spontaneous, but being prepared really helps.

Thursday, January 24, 2019

To be young again

 Gosh, remember the days of not having a care in the world? Actually, I take that back..I cared about my my cabbage patch doll, my big wheel, my florescent light up hot pink phone. Wow, those were such simpler times. Ever since this illness began I often find myself daydreaming about my childhood. I was extremely blessed to be given the best parents in the world and a fun, caring brother ( I didn't think this of my brother when I was real young) but today we are best friends. I sometimes long for those days when my biggest worry was, I wanted to make sure I got home in time from school to play outside. And it was always warm and sunny in my early memories.  It kind of made me sad...Why am I sick now? Why can't I let these worries go? How long is this illness going to be with me? But then, I look into my sons eyes and I realize this is his innocent time..These right now are his early memories that he will always look back on. Yes, there are days I can't get out of bed, or days I can't make dinner, but I will tell you, this damn disease will never keep me from making wonderful memories for my son. I have learned to be honest with him throughout this journey, and I think it has helped him not worry about his Mom so much. We laugh each day together, we dance each day together and each day I tell him how much I love him. And for that, it makes my today pretty darn special. I am blessed to have this kiddo and this disease will never change that.